This is no playground...

Thu, 30 Jul 2009 10:51:42 GMT

Sunlight poured through heavy clouds like vicose raindrops.

Thursday morning, early morning.

Thu, 30 Apr 2009 07:39:05 GMT

Open up, blind man, before the world puts the wrong face on you.

The H1N1 virus has hit Alabama, closing several public schools and all athetics, as far as I've heard. This is, of course, the politically correct term for what is otherwise known as the 'swine flu.' I have been hearing about the two sick children all day but it has not been confirmed nationally yet, so maybe we are in the clear for now. I washed my hands entirely too much today, but pandemic or not, it doesn't kill to be clean [wackawacka!].

So where is a cure when you need one? In development because viruses and bacterium evolve, like all life, and we can not predict in what ways these strictly animals diseases will mutate and threaten humans. Man this world is so entirely fascinating! But who knows when something more serious than a mutated flu-like illness will surface and be an instant level 6 pandemic, an absolute killer. Imagine how many lives will be taken in the process of waiting for science to work its magic.

Family Guy makes me so incredibly happy. My enjoyment from this show is endless.

I stole my mother's work computer so I could write this pointless entry, and I am so flipping tired right now that I am afraid I will not wake in time to return it to madre before she leaves and I am certainly too exhausted to carry it down now. It seems lazy, but do you know what is surprising to even me? Random, but on the topic of lazy; I was laying here a little earlier so exhausted thinking I wouldn't even make it to the bathroom to wash my face and brush my teeth and all of those bedtime duties. But THEN I just got so paranoid about cavaties and my face being all broken out tomorrow that I had to get up and do it! Maybe I can wake myself to to take this downst -- forget it.

Oh, hello. This entry was pointless. I should sleep.

P.S. I played on the grand piano today and wrote a great deal. This day just got a +2!

Tuesday.

Wed, 29 Apr 2009 05:22:14 GMT

The History Channel provides endless entertainment and I never watch without learning something new and amazing, but I should never let myself watch these end of the world, Nostradamus, or even How The Earth Was Made shows. I am always so frightened after. They are brilliant, and of course I support the pure science and I DO want to know when something awful may occur, but I think I will blacklist these programs so I can live my life without worry of polar shift, mega tsunamis, and astroids. Either way, I think Alabama is where I am geographically safe. No Miami, Boston, or New York City for me; that's for sure.

So what else does this day bring? Well, how about that swine flu? Frightening, but I must express my scientific appreciation for these viruses as they continue to evolve. Who can possibly argue evolution these days? I would like to meet someone and see what their argument was without mention of The Holy Bible. I love my God, but that doesn't imply I'm an uneducated moron. How people must completely separate the two I will never know.

Oddly enough I stopped writing for a few months and am now back into the swing of things. I have learned with my ADD medication that, though entirely focused on certain activities and tasks, I have to force myself into something I truly want to do before my brain is able to log in to something. It is so impossible to explain, and I imagine only someone recently introduced to this medication can understand how it feels. It works; that is for sure. The world would probably be a better place if everyone was medicated with the proper dose for individual needs. The only downside for me is that my dosage now wears off entirely too early and I can easily become accidentally hooked on a certain thing. Sudoku for example. I love Sudoku, as well as crosswords and other words games, and I participate in the completion of these quite often; however, it is not a bit practical to do Sudoku puzzles for five hours, but this is what happens to me. While my brain is bouncing around object-to-object finding what it wants to do, it can easily get attached to something entertaining as opposed to what I truly need to be doing. Perhaps it is a learned thing, or maybe I need to try another medication rather than Vyvanse itself, but at least I am learning how to write and read the things I enjoy once more. That is quite the accomplishment.

I find I dislike Kristen Stewart's acting more and more these days. In all honesty, I place Robert Pattinson in the same category. I keep hoping that I am bitter about the Twilight film simply because of how much I loved the book and the other two following it, but the more I watch it, the more I hate it. Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone was actually a huge let-down for me, and even since I have found many events and situations I wish had been mentioned, omitted, etc. from the films. But in spite of my book-to-film comparisons and disappointments, today I love all five films without hesitation. I no longer care about SPEW not being featured or any nit-picky complaint. I do wonder if it is because I am, perhaps, so far removed from reading the first books that I no longer have such a fresh comparison to make. Will Twilight be the same for me one day? Will I forget why I loved the book solely and hated the production? Will I learn to love Edward Cullen AND Cedric Diggory? I surely hope so, because as things stand, I wish to boycott the viewing of New Moon and I pray daily that Breaking Dawn will never go into production.

florida

Sun, 12 Apr 2009 19:54:08 GMT

I am learning to hate all things Florida.

I will speak your name.

Sat, 11 Apr 2009 07:21:57 GMT

I imagined loving you was the closest I would ever make it to heaven. For so many years those majestic gates could not have seemed any further from my reach. Even the heavenly winds blowing through the grasses taunted me as the long arms, green and delicate, danced soundlessly with grace. Yet with someone whose relationship with God was all but nonexistent, you looked upon me with the love and devotion of religion. Nearly eight hundred days later and I doubt my own father could recognize the pain in this face. On a cloudy day I will speak your name and the sky will part as a golden suns melts my callous frame. I will speak your name.

Fri, 10 Apr 2009 09:03:35 GMT

I'm moving to Oregon.

Posted via LiveJournal.app.

Thu, 09 Apr 2009 07:09:25 GMT

This whole day has been horse shit. I have never felt so fucking alone. Everyone I try talking to is just too damn busy. I guess that is what I get on this terrible day. All of my loved ones will be there on good days. I suppose it is the tradeoff. Horse shit.

Dear God, please take care of my grandmother. A total cherry on top.

I may just eat my Vyvanse all night and stay awake the whole time.

At least Caitlin's twenty-first birthday was good. It is a shame I was molested the whole evening.

Posted via LiveJournal.app.

Sunday mornings.

Sun, 15 Mar 2009 10:23:32 GMT

I haven't been able to sleep all weekend.

I just took my first Zoloft and I actually think it may be giving me too much focus because all I can do is think, think, think and plan, plan, plan.

I really miss the boy, and Xandra of course. I cannot wait to see photos and have them within range of communication. =]

The Mayor's Cup 5K is April 25th and if I can get my fat ass into shape, I am so game.

Ugh I miss Leslie. All I want to do in move to North Carolina already but I know I have to figure out this school thing first, as annoying as it is to face.

My next counseling session is the Tuesday after spring break. Hopefully by then I'll see some positive changes.

I'm watching All Grown Up on television. =] I miss those Rugrats.

To sleep or not to sleep? That is the question.

Snowballs.

Sun, 01 Mar 2009 06:53:02 GMT

Dear world,

It's snowing in Alabama.

Let us all rejoice.

P.S. I am in lovelovelovelovelove. <3

Love,
Jessica

Fri, 27 Feb 2009 06:40:31 GMT

the moving of things

her leg shone white like a porcelain sky
as she turned her face into an aliby
well it was tarnished gold on a rogue falsetto
when the pain went numb and the ground said hello morning dew
it's nice to sit and talk to you.

Computer advice.

Fri, 27 Feb 2009 04:03:06 GMT

I want to take nearly everyone in my life and delete them and afterward I want to completely empty my recycle bin. Yes. That is what I want to do. So help me do that.

Thanks.

Sincerely,

Jessica.

Love You To Pieces essay for missing ink

Sat, 14 Feb 2009 06:17:44 GMT

The seventeenth text message put Elaine over the edge as she tore the seat of her trusty old tan corduroys in an attempt to quickly retrieve her black iPhone device from the underneath of her couch. These tried and true pants were the last of a few remaining good memories of her youth, and upon sitting down to read her new message after defeat she grew increasingly annoyed and somewhat anxious.

“Where are you? Why haven’t you responded to any of my messages?” the text read.

“At home, avoiding you at all costs because you are a creeper and I have absolutely no interest!” Elaine answered aloud as she tossed her cellular into the nearby recliner. Her mind had been racing all day and she could not wait until her new boy was with her so she could shake all feelings of being stalked by the old flame.

Her phone buzzed rhythmically against the soft burgundy fabric. Text eighteen.

“You really are on a streak today, aren’t you, Clark?”

She stood up to grab her phone but managed to receive a new message before reaching the cellular. Text nineteen was glowing bright on the screen.

“Yes I am.”

Her heart froze as she realized she was completely alone. Her roommates were gone. Elizabeth would be at dance classes for another two hours and Beth would be out of town until the week’s end. He’s here. Even the whisper of words within her mind sounded too loud.

The television hummed quietly. The sink dripped to the rhythm of a droning blues number, but Elaine could hear little else. Chris.

She dialed Chris’ number with great speed and chewed on her fingernails as the ringing slowly sang on. After the third ring he finally answered.

“It is bad luck to call the boyfriend before the magical Valentine’s Day event. Didn’t you know?”

“Chris,” she whispered softly, “where are you?”

“On my way. Is there something wrong? Why are you whispering?”

“How far away?”

“About five minutes. Traffic on 15^th is ridiculous. Are you okay?”

“Yes. Just hurry. Please.”

She hung up without saying goodbye and quickly switched her phone on silent. Her inbox read that she had one message remaining. Eighteen. She had yet to read the message before calling Chris.

“It is Valentine’s Day. I will see you. I love you. We will be together.”

Before she could think properly, Elaine rushed into her sea foam green kitchen and immediately sought the knife block. She avoided all windows, pressing her back to the inner wall of the kitchen facing the front door. “Breathe,” she whispered quietly to herself. “You are fine. You are overreacting.”

The door swung open quickly and hit the inside doorstop with a slam.

“Sushi, my little chef?” Chris asked lightly, dressed like the perfect gentleman, roses in hand.

“Oh thank goodness you’re here! You scared me to death!”

She greeted him with a quick hug, hurrying to put the knife away and check every room for an uninvited guest.

“What on earth are you doing? You are a mess!”

“I’ll tell you on the way to Kozy’s! I am so sorry, I know this is killing the romance.” She grabbed her black pea coat from her closet and rushed to meet her patient boyfriend waiting her at the door.

“They are beautiful; thank you.”

As soon as the silver sports utility vehicle pulled from the drive and Elaine had locked the car doors she turned to Chris and told him all about her day.

“Remember Clark?”

“How could I so easily forget?”

“Well, you know he has been bothering me a bit lately. And it’s just that today his messages have been even worse! It’s creeping me out. I’m probably just being paranoid but I said something out loud and his text right after was as if he were answering me! I could have sworn he was there…”

“That explains the knife! I thought you had decided to stay in and cook for me.” He smiled his charmingly crooked smile, showing a set of brilliant white teeth.

“My strong protector!” She swooned sarcastically.

“You are safe with me, princess! This may be a bad time to mention this, but the black Honda behind us has been following me since I left my house.”

“Chris. Don’t do this to my nerves.”

“It’s probably another one just like it, but now that you mentioned these stalkers of yours, perhaps I am being followed by a crazy ex-girlfriend.”

Whether or not he was truly worried, Elaine could not tell. He grabbed her hand and changed topics quickly. He is right. This is silly.

February 15^th brought with it plenty of sunshine and painstakingly brilliant blues skies. Did I really just have THE perfect evening? Her mind was racing, reliving the previous evening and every perfect detail.

                 She reluctantly got out of bed to start a pot of Folger's best and retrieve the paper from the front porch. Much to her surprise, Chris was standing outside waiting on her, paper in hand.
                 "Good morning," she greeted him brightly.
                 "You shouldn't read this," he said softly, pulling the paper away as she reached for it.
                 "What do you mean? Hand it over!" She snatched it playfully, confused by the serious look behind his eyes.
                 The front page said it all. Everything was there. "Suspect in Valentine's Day Double Homicide." Black Honda Civic. Clark. His face was as plain as day.
                 Chris held her close.
                 "They got him. He's behind bars now. He's gone."
                She let the paper fall to the ground as she held her eyes tight, filtering out all light, all sound, all misery.

Wed, 11 Feb 2009 07:05:57 GMT

The sky stood quiet above the small yet impossibly busy town as Josephine sat awake listening to the train roll down the tracks in the distance. Her green curtains danced as the cool evening air ran in and out of her small room. With the school year beginning she had found little time to just sit in complete silence and think about anything. Yet a great deal had happened in two weeks. Moving back in with Madeleine had gone better than expected and she was thrilled to be in her company again. Classes were progressing nicely, though a few professors were making their claims as being difficult a little too clear. The semester was going to be trying, especially under the watchful eye of Doctor Abbott Balfour.
She could not quite grasp what it was about him that made her skin crawl and eyebrows scrunch together on her forehead, but every time she was in his presence she began to brood without understand where her ill feelings were coming from. Oddly enough he seemed to possess the same feelings, and even more strange still, no one else seemed to notice. Her classmates watched as he outlined assignments on the blackboard and hung on his every word as he read with that reproachful voice of his. Why was it that no one else could sense the danger in his being? He did not belong here. Just his presence alone was putting Joesphine, and her fragile little roommate, in great harm. There was no way she could prove it, but some part of her was entirely sure that he was responsible for the unbelievably pathetic excuse of burglarizing her home. But a small part of her, yes an utterly small part indeed, felt as though her new professor understood her, as if there were a common thread between them.
She sighed loudly, closing her eyes and focusing on the swish of her curtains as they blew outwards from the window and fell back again, like a rolling tide on some far away ocean.

this year bites.

Thu, 05 Feb 2009 22:21:04 GMT

http://www.abc3340.com/news/stories/0209/591914.html

I am so tired of losing people this year and it is only February 5th. That poor family. I know she just wants to sleep and not see anyone, but I really feel like I should be there. I called into work tonight, tomorrow, and possibly Saturday so I can be available for her if she needs me.

RIP, Bob. <3

Mon, 02 Feb 2009 01:02:11 GMT

I met a pair of brown eyes today and a little girl sat across from them dressed in blue. My heart melted. I was not sure if he was a stranger or not. "That is all I have to say about that,"Forrest Gump.

Hyde is getting his "fuzzy nutters" removed tomorrow. Poor guy. I am not sure who beat him up, but they did a grand job. His little ear has yet to stand all of the way up. I have to leave the house between 6:15 and 6:30 in the morning so I can get him to the doctor in time before classes. I am supposed to be able to pick him up after 12:00 but it depends on how late they are planning to keep me for my astronomy lab. Either way, I refuse to have them keep him over night.

I drank a lot of water today and have eaten remarkably well. Go me! [highfive] Not to mention the vitamins/Hydroxycut/other pills I have taken. Oh man oh man I hope this weight just falls off!

I am thrilled about spring break. I hope this can actually happen.

Work was just about awful. The restaurant was empty until they cut down to just a handful of us and of course we got a bit busy then. I do not think they had to go on another wait, we were just so steady that I could not keep my tables clean because I kept getting sat. On top of that, I was stiffed, I got into a skirmish with my friend/line cook, and I only made 55 dollars. At least the shift has ended and I have high hopes for this week. My weekend grand total comes out to about 255 I imagine. Yay for that, my savings is now at 1500 and is staying steady.

My dreams kept me up all night. I have not had real dreams in some time, but I kept waking up from the strangest visions of the most bizarre places.

JESSICA ROBINSON' FIRST NOVEL WILL BE COMPLETED BY DEC. 31ST 2009.

F in decisions, A in attitude.

Fri, 30 Jan 2009 04:18:21 GMT

My title cracks me up, but it is also amazingly true. I've been a bitch to Boy lately, but damnit, everything is so difficult. Grr. I broke my non-talking streak [thanks, tequila], on accident of course, and now I just can't bare to pull away again. I am not sure what I will do. This is confusing.

BUT I received perhaps the best news ever. John. Really? I love you. I've always loved you. Drugs? That's IT?! I was so relieved! I have not laughed so hard in a long time. I want to slap you and hug you at the same time. Now having heard such amazing news, I hope you fall into my lap again and rejoin my life. Having not talked to you in years has sucked. More importantly, I hope someday to say, in a light-hearted tone,"I TOLD YOU SO." I was right. I win. Thanks for playing. And to think, I thought you were a woman, or a pedophile, or a half alligator/human mutant of a sort! Drugs. I have always loved you. That would not have kept me away.

FIN.

Wed, 28 Jan 2009 06:00:07 GMT

IO;ve neber baeen so mdrink in my 21 years of life.

HAHAHA.

Tue, 27 Jan 2009 18:38:26 GMT

No I am not drunk at noon NO I'M NOTNOTNOT

Wreck of the day.

Tue, 27 Jan 2009 08:59:02 GMT

I told him goodbye and I am a complete mess. This is it. The end. We are finished. It is over. Fin.

This is the one place I may go virtually over the next few weeks. I need my people-people without reminding myself of him.

This hurts.

stupid.

Tue, 27 Jan 2009 02:12:23 GMT

I'm the stupidest girl in the world and I need every single friend I have this week.

Saturday night's alright for fighting.

Mon, 26 Jan 2009 01:23:44 GMT

Last night is a blur. I would rather not know what I did or didn't do, to be frank.

again.

Sat, 24 Jan 2009 20:00:19 GMT

The rain set in at midnight, bringing with it the low pressure that seemed to crush my head into all sides of my brain. I assumed sleep was the remedy, but when my brother called at 4:00AM so he could be let into the house, I realized it had yet to fade away. From there sleep was impossible, accompanied with nightmares of the gruesome sort and thoughts I would rather escape. It has happened to me again, or rather it is something I am inflicting on someone I care about. How could a person do it? I guess it all boils down to the maturity I do not possess. I cannot sit around and wait for the day I realize that we could have made this work if I had stuck in there, or until I get so consumed with jealously I try to use feelings to force myself back in there to ensure having him. It will end up being something I regret, seeing as I already do, but for different reasons. So I bid another farewell. If I cannot have happiness, how could I refuse to give it to someone else? Sometimes letting someone go really is the best thing you can do if you love them.

I'm glad we are in agreement.

Obama's first day.

Fri, 23 Jan 2009 14:58:54 GMT

"And in a broad swipe at the Bush administration's lawyers, Obama nullified every legal order and opinion on interrogations issued by any lawyer in the executive branch after Sept. 11, 2001."

I think this last line of a report listed on the home page of MSN this morning really summarizes the entire presidency as it will be from here on out, at least so we may hope.

So let us look ahead with a positive heart to the next four years knowing that finally the war on terror has ended, Guantanamo is closing, and the rest is history.

Wed, 21 Jan 2009 01:39:53 GMT

I am so done with all of these stupid boys. That is really all I have to say.

Thu, 08 Jan 2009 18:00:51 GMT

I am so lonely.